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| Dick Speaks |
| 04.28.04 (8:27 pm) [edit] |
Chickenhawk-little Dick, somehow got out of his cage again. For some reason the Bushites can't seem to keep him penned up. You would think it would be easy: the guy's ancient and has heart disease. But Chickenhawk-little Dick the man with the golden sneer got out somehow. And when he did, for some reason he thought he was Winston Churchill. I guess Napoleon is already taken.
Yeah, Chickenhawk-little Dick tooled on down to Fulton Missouri, to make a "major policy speech." It was there at Westminster College that Winston Churchill warned the world that totalitarianism was not dead. That while World War II had succeeded in it's immediate task, new dictators were rising to enslave a large chunk of humanity.
There Dick was, at the very podium where Winston "Savior of Western Civilization" Churchill gave his famous "Iron Curtain" speech. It was obvious that Dick hoped some of the great man's aura would reflect on him. But Dick looked shrunken and shriveled as he tried to get into Churchill's suit and to shoulder that legacy. But oh, did Dick try. Frankly, I am surprised that he didn't pull out a three foot long cigar. I am not as surprised that he didn't raise his stubby little fingers in the famous "V" salute, people might have thought it was a peace sign.
That's right, Chickenhawk-little Dick mounted Churchill's podium, told Churchillian jokes and generally tried to wrap himself in the mantle of the great man. Let's hear how the chickenhawk-in-chief put it himself: "Churchill delivered what he called the most important speech of his career, applying the wisdom gained over a lifetime to the greatest challenge of the age." Yessir, Chickenhawk-little Dick tried to step into the big man's shoes. Ooops, them feet's too small, Dick!
Seemingly conscious of his feet swimming around in those big shoes, Chickenhawk-little Dick sought to send a warning to the world as well. About a danger far worse than worldwide communism, the enslavement of entire peoples, and the possibility of world wide conflagration. Yes, a danger far worse than any of those. I can only be referring to, of course, John Kerry.
That's right, Chickenhawk-little Dick warned the world that if Kerry is elected, civilization will end, Churchill's legacy will be destroyed, and Chickenhawk-little Dick and his sidekick, Napoleon Junior will be out of jobs. Well, he tried to gussy it up a little, but that was pretty much the gist of it.
That's right, John Kerry, the decorated war veteran, and sober middle of the road Senator is simply incapable of keeping America safe. Why is that you ask? Well, Dick and Junior feel that when the Pentagon bellies up to the taxpayer foodbar, they should mound up twelve trays with food. Kerry sometimes, under the right circumstances feels that ten trays is plenty, and that both Buffalo wings and barbecue wings may not be entirely necessary.
Chickenhawk-little Dick knows we need all the Bradley fighting vehicles, MX missiles, Apache helicopters, Phoenix missiles, F-15s, F-14s, Blackhawks and Predators we can lay our hands on. All that fancy hardware sure kept us safe from the bozos with boxcutters. And just look what good it is doing us in Iraq -- winning hearts and minds all over the place. So bring it on Dick exhorts, and some of that star wars stuff too! Anything less and the sky is falling!
Oh yes, Chickenhawk-little Dick was Fultonating in fine form warning us of the horrors to come. Man, he had that sneer working so hard he almost forgot he was Churchill and started channeling Elvis! "Don't nobody step on our Patriot Act!" "Down at the end of lonely street is a bank of Patriot missiles" "Kerry ain't nothin' but a Saddam lover" Yeah, shake that leg, Dick!
Unfortunately for Winston Chickenhawk, the good people of the Show Me state could see how far short of Churchill, the statesman and visionary, the Dickmeister had fallen. Rumor has it that the president of Westminster College was so dumbfounded by the lame, moronic and partisan nature of the speech that before it ended he got on his cellphone to call Kerry to apologize and offer him equal time. He also rang up all of the descendants of Churchill and apologized to them as well. Called Tony Blair and the Queen, just for good measure. He also recorded a public service announcement for the BBC, which is playing every half hour for the next three weeks.
So there was the latest Tricky Dick looking like a four year-old trying on his daddy's suit. With his leg a-twtiching and lip trembling. Churchill's legacy dropped down around his ankles and Dick tripped over it coming off the stage. Napoleon Junior thought Dick did a great job of course, and tried to pin a medal on him, but by that time the suit was empty.
By then the couple of the more conscious White House handlers had scooped up Chickenhawk-little Dick and tranquilized him enough to keep his leg from twitching. They shipped back to the bunker where the shadow government operates from -- well, the other shadow government anyway -- until he escapes again. I just wonder just who he'll think he is next time.
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